Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Variety in love

Every love is different, was very different in my experience. There were always those unique characteristics which made a relationship turn in various directions. Still many relations are build on illusions because what we truly desire seems to be too far out of reach while loneliness grows stronger and makes us settle for less and less in love but where do we draw the line? When do we finally realize that we need something deeper, realer, sweeter? Well we don't until that special someone comes along and makes us realize its what we've been craving for all along.

Many times I have caught myself settling  for less, usually I adapted as I kept my mind on the same position thinking "he will change" well that is something I said goodbye to nearly two years ago. You can't change a person even if they say their willing to that doesn't make it possible. Someone's personality is the thing you either love or don't because the way someone think's can't be changed.

I think in life you meet certain souls who you are meant to meet not because they're meant to be but simply because they teach you things. Good and bad things with high and low meanings I think therefore all love will always be different and feel different with each person. I have met "The dreamer" he taught me to think out of the box to dream louder no matter what people tell you. "The artist" I learned from him how to use who you are to create a bit of truth in the world and it doesn't matter how you do it with words, paint or music it simply doesn't matter as long as you use your creativity to accomplish something real. "The cheater" He taught me that you should be careful with who you trust and give your heart. "The fairytale" He made me realize that if something seems too good to be true it usually is. So last but not least there was "The illusion." Perhaps the most important one of all of them since he made me understand that you can't change a person.

For most people its easier to fall in love than to love well its different for me often I didn't feel the butterflies or the stars or all those little things people describe feeling when they're in love. I think I have loved more than the being in love which is strange since usually you can't have the one thing without the other. Currently as many of you readers probably already know I have a boyfriend since March this year and he made me wonder about love a lot. The relationship we have is like a small treasure to me since I have never had this kind of relationship it has sweet written all over it and sometimes I don't even believe its real.

I always have been someone that just knew when someone was the one for me and I think "The one" does exist but not in the way most people believe. I think you don't meet him just once that would be way too easy because you change during life and so does what you are looking for but I do believe that when you finally find him that this kind of love can last forever and yes I do believe in forever while most of the cynical's out there don't since life itself isn't forever. Still I don't care I believe love lasts longer than the air, the earth, the sky and everything around us.

So what is love exactly? I think it is all the things you don't need words for like: The sigh right before a kiss, the listening without something is being said, the staring in someone's eyes while wanting to know all of them, holding each other through sleeping, being vulnerable, truthful and doubtless about your feelings.

When I met my current boyfriend or even before we met since we have been talking before actually seeing each other I already felt many things and I always make myself these promises before first dates like not expecting much and definitely never pronouncing love out loud on a first date. I'm such a bad listener even if I'm the one who made those rules usually I don't follow them. I loved him the moment we met and yes that is a cliche of romantic movies and even in there they are careful with expressing it so what was the wise thing to do? Well in love there are no rules or wise things to follow actually so I was kind of lost. I felt butterflies and stars and all those things people talk about when describing being in love and that from the moment we met. I have felt nearly the same just once before him that same intensity of love and being in love. There was this voice in me telling "He's the one" that voice had been quiet for quite some years so it was special and we didn't even kiss yet can you imagine how I felt when we kissed it only confirmed my heart even more. Its a rare feeling that he awoke in me and I promised myself to never feel like that ever again after the first time. I would never give a man a position in my life to hurt my most vulnerable part ''my heart'' I broke that promise I pronounced love on the first date and it could have gone wrong instantly since nothing can make a man more scared than the words "I love you." I can't deny that it was awkward and I don't recommend this to most people but I wouldn't have done it differently nothing of it because I did love him already on our first date and I still do every second of the day I get reminded of that.

We have the "I can't live without you" kind of love its dangerous, strong, light and heavy at the same time. He lights up my world with his smile and his crying would hurt me just as much as my own tears would. He's someone I would kill for or be killed for, the very first thing I think of before going to sleep and right after awaking and when I feel sad and that is quite much these days he's there for me and that alone makes me so happy that my sadness rests and lies the pain down next to me instead of in front of me. I need him to show me the sun when it only rains in me and I know he's nearly the only one who's able to do that. I love how I can be me with him and the way he loves me for being simply that, I love how he is always himself around me and not some stranger I don't know, I love how I can tell him anything from the most stupid joke to the most serious pain my heart carries and the way he holds me through it. I love the moment he awakes me right before he goes to work the whispering "I love you" and that soft kiss on my forehead. I love how safe he makes me feel when I'm next to him and the way he looks at me, I love the way his kiss rests on my lips and the way he touches me through the night. Actually I can't think of something I don't love about him and I never had that before there was always something but this time the page of negativity is empty. Its the good kind of empty although its a bit scary since loving someone so much is such a big risk but for him I take that risk in a heartbeat. I really hope we last forever that our love will remain like this eternally.

Here's a small poem I just loved to write about us two.

We together

We together could be called night and day
they die without each other
are different
yet the very same

We together could be moon and sun
I would be the moon for the dark knows my name like no one does
you would be the sun for the warmth of your skin could warm the coldest star

We together could be the brightest truth
defeating all the lies this world is build upon

We together could turn out to be all the things "real together" in this life stands for.

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